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The Need to Control Things, People or Situations.

Updated: Aug 23, 2021

Control is a powerful thing. We all want to feel like we have some measure of control over our lives, and this desire can be so strong that it drives us to make decisions that are not always the best for us or others. In this blog post, we're going to talk about how much control you need in your life in order to maintain balance and happiness.

We will also look at micro-control, the cause and possibly how to overcome it. Let's start with healthy control and how we can notice it go out of hand, what to do when we catch ourselves gone and have to bring back balance in our lives.

It feels good to know that we have some sort of control over our day although the day decides how it is going to be and we control how we react to that. In an ideal world, control of our day would be everything working out how we planned it. This rarely happens also we can get close.

It is easy to get in the habit of trying to control things, people or situations that we feel are out of our hands. What we usually miss out on is that we do not have the right let alone the ability to, although we want to convince ourselves that we can. We end up feeling frustrated and disappointed. Blaming them for not listening to us.

Sometimes we even go as far as saying "you do not listen to me". This only drives us more into the momentum of disappointment and frustration.

What we ought to know is that there are things outside of our control. It takes a lot of practice and presence not to fall prey to the habit and the urge of wanting to control everything. The more aware we become, the less frustrated or disappointed we feel and the sooner we will realise that it wasn't worth the energy anyway.


Now, I do not know if the word micro-control exists and if it didn't, it does now. I believe some of us have heard of microeconomics. How about a microcontroller?! Well, this one is a control system of things such as microwaves, keyboards, monitors and other gadgets.

Unlike gadgets, humans cannot be controlled to behave how we want them to. They come with a thing called their own mind and trust me they like to use it. In fact, they feel suffocated when another extends theirs into their territory. Although some have more tolerance than others at one point T they'll also reach their limit.

How can I find the balance you ask....?!

Maybe by understanding the above.

By bringing harmony to a situation through suggestions and allow that back and forth flow of energy.

By appreciating that the other/others might see things very differently from us and neither of the two/more perspectives is right or wrong but different.

I have come to appreciate how different we all are and how boring life would be if we all did things the same way.

Possible Causes

Soon you will find that controlling people use it as a defence mechanism or something to anchor themselves. In most cases, there's a missing link, pain or loss of a love/loved one that gets replaced with the need to control.

In the long run, this can become a habit/setpoint while the real cause gets swept under the carpet due to the pain it causes/caused.

This is why self-evaluation, forgiveness and appreciation play a huge role so we do not fall into the trap of control which can lead to even more loss, pain and suffering.

Mantras to live by:

Others have a choice(s) too.

My opinion is the best based on my experience(s).

I do not always have to be right, I can choose to be happy.

The world will not end if they don't do what I want them to do.

My happiness is paramount.

I choose inner peace.


Keywords: habits, control, self-evaluation, forgiveness and appreciation

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